I Am Beautiful No Matter What They Say
This is a very hard post for me to write. Some many things have come to light the past few days and they have all made me realize some things about myself. I never wanted this for my daughter. I never wanted her to look in the mirror and hate what she sees. I know that I am not the cause of this because I have not always been a part of her life, but adopting her has changed my life. The rest of this post is mine and centers on me and the people that I love.
To Avary,
Mommy is so sorry that you have already had to deal with so many bad things in your life. You have inspired me to be a better mother, a better wife, and a better woman. I am so sorry that I have not always thought highly of myself, but that is changing. I want to lead by example. I want you to look at me and see a role model and someone that you can look up to. I want to show you how it feels to be beautiful and to love who you are. I want to show you that you don't have to be one size, one certain look, or just so to be beautiful. We are beautiful together. You and I will take this world by storm and show them just what beauty can be.
To +Nate,
My love, you have held me and wiped my tears. You have made a point to tell me how beautiful and gorgeous I am every day. At first I thought you were crazy. Now I see just how much that I have hurt you. I know that I will never be able to undo the pain I have caused you, and sometimes I am sorry just isn't enough. So instead of apologizing to you for how terrible I have been, I am going to show you just how stunning I can be. I am going to love the woman that I am not just for you, but for our daughter as well. I am going to look at myself with pride and know that I am a bombshell. You choose to be with me. I am going to choose to love myself. Every inch, every stretch mark, every scar defines me and my beauty. It is time that I show you and the world just how amazing I really am.
To +Mary Ann, +Hunter, +Odette, (Several others, but these are the three I affected the most)
For every tear that I have cried, for every time I have hidden myself away, and for every negative thing I have ever said that has affected you I am truly sorry. Without the three of you to look up to I would never be able to face what I am facing now. You have held my hand, you have encouraged me, and you have shown me that I am someone to love. I am going to make the three of you proud.
To Myself,
You are beautifully and wonderfully made. It is time that you look at yourself and smile. Tentatively touch your skin and feel your beautiful. It is time that you blossom and shine. You have wasted so many years hating yourself for all the things you are not, that you have forgotten all the things that you are. There are so many that love you and cherish you. You may love yourself, but it is time to love your body too. You are not and you never where all those terrible things that people said to you. You are the only person that can define how you look. It is time to let it all go and to embrace every inch of you.
