I Don't Think We Are In Kansas...

No One Puts Baby In The Corner

There is something to be said about your faith as you watch tornado after tornado go around you or weaken while they are over you only to strength later on. With that being said, my heart goes out to everyone that was affected by the storms that ripped through our state last night. We are looking at more weather today, but we are hoping it isn't quite as bad this time.

When I was little I was terrified of storms, especially when I would come home and my father would scream at me to get in the laundry room with pillows and not to get out. I would hide in there for hours. Any time it would thunder I would crawl in the corner. My brothers never stayed and my father would keep watch. The other memory I have of tornadoes is when my father stood outside as I begged for him to come inside. I watched the funnel cloud pass over us and lower that day. It touched down a short bit away from my house, wiping out a good bit of the main street of our town. So for years the only way I could hide my fear was to be fascinated by the storms. I would study them and watch them.

I spent a good bit of my evening worrying about others and barricaded in a corner. I didn't stop to think about the pattern then. This morning I just knew I was scared. It took a dear friend telling me to realize what the storms had done. I watch radars and live streams all evening. My focus? Not me. I was worried about my friends and family that were in various areas. Would that one effect this person? Is that one going straight for Huntsville?

I watched as storms headed my way. One just north of me. Another just south. Then came the ones that would go straight over me. I watched in horror as there were reports of them touching down. Even then my first thought was that I didn't want my friends to worry about me. I just prayed.

As the storms with the circulation reached my county line, I waited in tears to see if they would extend the warnings. They didn't. Each storm weakened before getting to me; however, some of them strengthened again after I was out of harms way. I am truly blessed and protected.

To all the friends that talked to me constantly last night: thank you for keepinng me sane and somewhat okay. You are all amazing and I love you tons. And only because I really love this song...

Make My Heart Go Boom Boom Boom

All Of Me, Loves All Of You

Have you ever found that one thing that ties your stomach in knots yet relaxes ever muscle in your body at the same time? That person that you can talk to for hours about absolutely nothing yet everything at the same time? Every time your phone goes off you look all hopefully for the one name you cherish, don't you? Welcome to the dark side, it isn't just cookies here. We have glitter and italian food as well.

With every storm we face together, I see just how much I need him. Without him, I would crumble. I don't expect anyone to understand how quickly or how hard I have fallen in love with this man. He is my sun, moon, and stars. Every sliver of light is like a drink of bliss. Just when I think I am on the edge and about to fall, he saves me. He carries my heart around with him everywhere he goes.

He is all of the words that I have needed to say for so long that I forgot my heart needed to speak.

Favorite Blogs

When I originally started this post it was only supposed to include three people; however, I couldn't leave any of these wonderful people out. Each of them are very dear to me and I love reading their posts.

Hunter

Relationship Status Who wouldn't love how precious this is!!!
Tree I will warn you, you will need a box of tissues for this post. This one broke my heart. I love how really this is and how she brings it to life for those of us who were not with her that day.
Disney Marathon I love her Disney posts. This one is one of my favorites of all time. Not because I am part of it, but because I am so proud of you. You could hear me screaming from home.

Mary Ann

Relationship Status Once again I love these. It is so heart warming.
Beauty and the Books As a fellow book lover, I love reading about other people and how they started reading and why it is important to them.
Tell Me What Makes a Man I cried once again. Every relationship has that turning point. The moment you realize that without the other you are nothing at all. Often times it is at your lowest point and many never come back from such a point. To watch her grow and to love is something beautiful in it's own right.
Bonus: Pleasure and Pain I have to add this one in. I just laughed so hard I cried. 

Nathaniel

Her This one is my favorite because he utterly surprised me with it. He usually shares his posts on my group page on facebook. This one he wanted me to find on my own. It was two of my best friends that found it first. It brought tears to my eyes, but in the best way possible. This man holds my heart.

Charlie Tango and Top Gun I once again have to warn you that you need tissues for this one. This was his first blog and it had all of us crying heavily.

Creativity Call me easily amused, but it fascinates me at just how amazing he is with computers.

Em

I'm Hungry For years I have watched this beautiful woman struggle with her weight. Those on the outside would never know, but you find out once you get close. It really breaks my heart; however, for her to come forward and to write about it truly inspires me to face things head on.

All I Ever Learned About Love...Was How To Shoot At Someone Who Outdrew Me She absolutely captivates me with this blog. I was intrigued to see her open up about love.

Hey Cool Cats and Kittens! Her first post was no disappointment to me. I love the way that she introduces herself. Unapologetic and completely unique.

Favorite Kickers

Heart Stopping Shoes

I have never been the girly girl that has a ton of shoes. Actually, I can probably count the number of shoes I have on my hands. I am the girl that has tennis shoes for when I have to, boots, flats for occasions, and flip flops for the other 340 or so days of the year. With that being said there is this one pair that I love.

I may not wear these beauties often, but I cherish them. They are just gorgeous!! Even when they kill my feet, I still cannot help but love them. I found these online and I got them for a steal of a price. I am seriously considering wearing these for my wedding one day.

Manic Manicure

Hey guys and gals!!! I am going to be during my first nail post for this blog. I will share pictures with you and give you a list of what you need to complete the look. Enjoy lovelies!

Supplies

Essie - Naughty Nautical
Essie - On a Silver Platter
Julep - Bailey
Dotting Tool (I used the green one, pictured above)

Showing Scars

Damaged Not Broken

I want to start by saying that I know that others have gone through and will go through far worse than I. Talking about what has happened is part of letting it go. I often wonder if I will ever be truly free of it. It comes when I least expect and often when I never thought it would. It sends my cowering away and hiding away as if it is happening all over again. Over the years I have not had the best luck with the opposite sex. Yes, I know that everything happens for a reason and that I am stronger because of it; however, it doesn't change the fact that these things are a part of who I am.

It is hard to imagine yourself as beautiful or attractive when you grow up being told otherwise. I was always the "fat" kid or the "nerd" that very few wanted to be friends with. It didn't help matters that I dressed strangely. I was bullied regularly for not having the money to afford the name brand clothing. I grew up with a warped image of myself, always conscious of the number on the scale, how much money I could pretend to have, and where I could go hide to read. Every word in the image above, I have heard more times than I care to acknowledge.

Some believe that we except the love we think we deserve. I never realized the intensity of this statement until now, looking back. I would always make excuses for them. They love me so their temper will never be pointed at me. I deserved it. I shouldn't have gotten in their way. He didn't mean to hurt me. It is only one bruise. Calling me fat is just a way to vent his frustration. I am not good enough. He manipulates me to keep me safe. He was only protecting me.  I would hide the bruises, the tears, and the fear. I wouldn't tell anyone and dare I say something to the guy that hurt me. Leaving didn't usually occur to me and when it did I was too afraid to do so. I was stuck in a never ending cycle. Don't get me wrong, there was a good guy here and there that would give me hope that I could be loved.

I have overcome so many things since those times. I have learned my value and my worth. I have stopped making excuses. I learned the warning signs and how to find my voice. I learned to say no and to walk away. What I haven't learned is how to stop the triggers. Over the years they have decreased dramatically; however, when it strikes, it its hard and to the core of my being. I crumble every time. I often wonder if it will ever end or if this is just my reminder to appreciate the good things in my life and how far I have come. One thing that truly helps is the wonderful people in my life. They are not afraid to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay. They understand. They care. They get me through. With them by my side I can get through anything. And I will get through this.

Om Nom Nom Nom

Favorite Foods

Chinese Food

 -Seriously, anything Chinese. I try to avoid the spicy foods, but I love everything else.

Mexican Food

 -I have no clue why. It is usually good to me; however, I do get picky with menus.

Southern Food

 -What isn't to love? Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, fried okra, mac n cheese, gravy, do I need to keep going?

Sushi

 -To this day the Las Vegas rolls from a local place is my favorite. I have tried several other kinds and like it though. I try to avoid tuna though.

Italian Food

 -I am sure I can add real Italian food to this soon; however, for the time being, Olive Garden counts. It is one of the main places where I will actually try new things regularly. Who doesn't eat pizza? Oh, you don't? Shame on you!

Fruits and Vegetables

 -You can never go wrong with these!!

Curiosity Killed The Cat

But Satisfaction Brought Her Back

How do you know when you have truly amazing friends that have your best interests at heart? When they make you question things you had never thought to question. In doing so they strengthen you.

I was asked tonight if I thought my boyfriend, Nathaniel, was good enough for me. My first answer was yes completely. But as the conversation went on I was made to question it more. I automatically said yes because he is good to me; however, does that make him good for me? So I started thinking about it.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is. It took me questioning it to realize the little reasons for why he is good for me. Not only does he care for me in a way that no one else has, he challenges me. He pushes me to be better, not only for him, but for myself. He helps me step outside of my comfort zone. He has shown me so many things. I am constantly learning with him. He is not just my boyfriend and my world, he is my best friend as well.

In saying that, I say this. From this point forward I am going to stop doubting myself. I am going to stop blaming myself. I will be unapologetically myself. I will better myself. I will be the woman that I know I can be. Not just for him, but because I deserve to be that woman.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by the greatest friends. These lovelies aren't just my friends, they are my family. They are the reason I have the desire and passion to keep going. I love and cherish each of you. Without you all I would be lost.

Shopping In My Pjs

Shop Until You Drop... Off The Bed!!!

Seriously?! Who wants to leave there bed to shop when they can just lounge around in whatever attair without having to worry about how they look.

Places I Have Bought From

Etsy

Lush
Torrid
Amazon
Lane Bryant

Places I Want To Purchase From

ModCloth
Domino Dollhouse
City Chic
Zulily
Forever 21

Ring Ring Baby

Cell Phone Tag

1.What phone do you have?
-Samsung Galaxy Note 2

2.What phone do you want if different from current?
-Maybe a Note 3 or S5

3.What is your background/lockscreen?
-Lockscreen is Dandelions / Background is the first man outside of Loki to ever make it to my background.

4.What is your ringtone?
-Game of Thrones Music if not custom

5.Text tone?
-Hooting Owl if not custom

6.Last picture you took?
-A picture for Nathaniel

7.Last picture you saved?
-The sexiest man in the world

8.Favorite App?
-Panora

9.Most used app if different from favorite?
-Facebook

10.Last downloaded app?
-Blogger

11.Who texts you the most?
-Tiffany and my mom

12.Who calls you the most?
-My parents

13.Random neat feature of your phone?
-Split screen

14.What do you hate about your phone?
-Not much. That they stopped the pop up browser function

15.What do you love about it?
-Customizable

16.Do you use a case/cover?
-Not currently but I am lusting after one.

17.What does your case/cover look like?
-It will be pretty

18.How often do you change cases?
-N/A

19.How often do you change you background/lockscreen?
-Monthly if not before

20.How often do you change your ringtone/text tone?
-Rarely

21.Who is in your favorites?
-Parents, Tiffany, Brother, Sister in law, Hunter, and Nephew Hunter

22.What is the next event on your calendar?
-My brother's birthday

23.Do you use any accessories?
-No

24.Which ones?
-None

25.Do you use a signature in your text? If so, what is it?

-I do not

It Started With A Kiss...

What woman doesn't dream of her big day? Of walking down the aisle in a white dress and a fist full of flowers? I was that girl. I had everything figured out. I knew everything I wanted. The problem was that I never seen myself getting married, but then he walked into my life and my vision and thoughts shifted. One suggestion from a friend and everything felt right. Images fell into place and suddenly I could see it perfectly clear. I have been asked to share my ideas and my vision for what I want on that day, so here it goes lovelies.

For the wedding: I want something small. My overall idea and view is a book related wedding. Hunter has a venue in mind that sounds splendid. My color inspiration is peacock feathers (Teals, Blue, and Purples). I would love to have a circular shaped setup to maximize the view for everyone. I want everyone to be able to see my big day. Instead of a unity candle or sand, I want us to pot a plant and mix the soil. As a token of our love and relationship, we will love and nature the plant as we will each other and our relationship, so that we grow, live, and survive.

The reception will be outside. I want a mix of chandeliers up high, lanterns and candles. Guests will have activities that they can complete and leave for us to enjoy! It will be all about having fun and enjoying the start of a lifetime together.

I will have three women beside me: Tiffany, Hunter, and Mary Ann, all in boots. Each of their dresses will be uniquely theirs as long as they cooridinate as well. I want each girl to give me a copy of their favorite love stories. Feel free to include notes, tips, favorite parts, highlights, whatever you want.

There will be many photos taken on my big day, but there are a few that I will cherish beyond belief. When we speak to each other one last time (without seeing each other) as engaged, whether it is to reassure each other or just to pray. The first time my husband sees me in my dress. That is a moment I want frozen in time forever.

8 Things I Will Do Again

1. Skinny Dipping
2. Swimming in the Ocean At Night
3. Get a Tattoo
4. Own a Hedgehog
5. Jump Into a Random Persons Pool
6. Whiskey In My Sweet Tea
7. Go to the Beach
8. Road Trips

Top 10 Favorite Snacks

1. Fresh Fruit
2. Fresh Vegetables
3. Popcorn
4. Pretzels
5. Ice Cream
6. Caesar Snapea Crisps
7. Yogurt
8. Cheddar and Sour Cream Chips (Baked Preferably)
9. Some Nuts
10. Feta Cheese

Three Addictions/Obsessions

Pandora - I am completely lost without music. It is everything my heart wants to say without knowing the words itself. I can speak in complete music lyrics to explain how I feel at any given moment.

Nail Polish - The easiest way to help you understand this one. The only time I see my bare nails outside of chips in my polish, is long enough to remove the polish and repaint them.

Being Creative - I know this is broad, but I have too many not to include. I love blogging for everyone. It goes hand in hand with my love for writing. Scrapbooking is another love. I haven't in a very long time, but it is the perfect way to preserve memories. Making jewelry is a huge obsession. I have not been able to with the lack of space; however, I cannot wait to get back into the swing of it again. Just making things in general makes me happy.

Top 5 Nail Tips For Beginners

1. Take good care of your nails and cuticles. This is key for a beautiful manicure.
2. Be patient and take your time. A beautiful manicure takes more than five minutes.
3. Use as few strokes of polish as possible. Over working the polish can lead to patchiness and streaks.
4. To avoid chips always use a base coat and top coat that works for your nails. Each person likes different formulations.
5. Always clean up any messes around your nails and cuticles. This is best achieved with a small makeup brush or QTip.

Ramblings of a Mad Woman

Not Just Cookies... Glitter and Italian.

The Friends I Cannot Wait To Meet

She is my best friend. She inspires me to no end. She is the strongest person I know. And soon we will be living under the same roof. My life would be empty without her.

My other BESTIE!!!! Without her, who would I have to talk Orlando Bloom with, books, and beach! We are the dark side. She is wild and free and she inspires me to be so as well. I would be lost without her.

We may not talk near as much as Elsa, Belle, and I; however, you are still important to me. You inspire me to be a better woman, a better friend, and that just a touch of vintage makes everything better.

You captured my heart and put the biggest smile on my face. I have never felt this way. You intrigue me to no end. I cannot wait to be part of your world.

Letting Go

First, I am letting go of my past. It does not have to define who I am. I know that this will take time. It isn't easy to undo everything that you have been through in one thought. I will let go of the fear that I feel when someone gets angry around me. The physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Letting go seems like it could be so easy, until something happens and you are cowered in the corner to avoid his anger. I want to let go of that girl. I know that I am not her anymore, but my mind still goes there when I least expect it.

Second, My fear of never being good enough. Just because I was not good enough in the past does not mean that I am not good enough now. My value is not defined that easily. Just because others do not always see my value, does not mean that I have no value at all. I am letting go of the notion that I am not enough. I am more than enough.

Third, My body image issues. Most of the time I can find a way to love myself; however, that doesn't change the fact that I judge my body based on how it looks in comparison to someone else. I don't look at myself in the mirror. I do not have one that I can really see myself in. I am letting go of the thoughts the my stomach is unattractive because it is not flat, or because I have stretch marks and scars. I will let go of the fact the my rear is not perfectly round or that my upper arms are flabby. Every inch of me is worth loving.

"I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions. Whatever I see I swallow immediately. Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike." -Quote from "Mirror" by Sylvia Plath

With all of that being said, it does help having the best friends a girl could ask for. They hold me together and get me through. Their support lifts me up. I would be completely lost without them. There is one other person though. I never imagined I would have someone that knows me better than I do. Someone that is helping me overcome these fears and helping me let go of them. Holding me when I cry and gently wiping away my tears. He shows me that he loves my body and my soul. He is the one person to get me to see through the tears when the thought of showing myself becomes to much to handle. I am his.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 12: Gaston

All the Things I Want to Say to You

I know this will shock you... Thank you. You have given me everything I have ever wanted in life. You didn't know it at the time, but introducing me to Ridge and Odette was the best thing you could have ever done. I cannot imagine how you must feel to know that every one of you exes not only deserves much better, but went on to achieve their goals and dreams. Some, like myself, took a little longer; however, we are all thriving. The kicker? We are all best friends! Very soon, we will all be living in the same neighborhood. These girls are my world and it is all thanks to you.

While we are on the topic of deserving better than the way you treated us... As for never finding someone, as good as you were (Comical btw), to love every inch of me? You were wrong. I found two. The first of which being myself. Without you undermining my appearance with hurtful comments, I have come to love the woman I am, inside and out. Am I skinny? Not even close; however, I am beautiful with every curve that my jeans hug and that my shirt caresses. Simply put, I was too much woman for you to handle. That leads me to the second part of the original train of thought, Nathaniel. He is everything you simply weren't. Take a moment to let that sink in for you. I doubt that I need to same more on that.

You gave me the chance to be everything I have ever wanted to be, and for that I am forever grateful. I am becoming the best me that I can possibly be. I am following my dreams, loving with every inch of my heart, and enjoying my life with the best friends that I could ever ask for.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 11: Not Burning the House Down

Philly Cheesesteak Stuffed Bell Peppers

(Website Picture)

I found this one on Pinterest and instantly loved it. I have made these a few times. I am going going to copy and paste the recipe, what they should look like, and what mine looked like. Let me know if you recreate these!! I would love to know if you like them.

                                                                                       (Mine Pictured Below)

Ingredients

• 8 oz. Thinly Sliced Roast Beef
• 8 Slices Provolone Cheese
• 2 Large Green Bell Peppers
• 1 Medium Sweet Onion
• 6 oz. Baby Bella Mushrooms
• 2 Tbs. Butter
• 2 Tbs. Olive Oil
• 1 Tbs. Garlic – Minced
• Salt and Pepper – to taste

DIRECTIONS

• Slice peppers in half lengthwise, remove ribs and seeds.
• Slice onions and mushrooms. Saute over medium heat with butter, olive oil, minced garlic and a little salt and pepper. Saute until onions and mushroom are nice and caramelized. About 25-30 minutes.
• Preheat oven to 400
• Slice roast beef into thin strips and add to the onion/mushroom mixture. Allow to cook 5-10 minutes
• Line the inside of each pepper with a slice of provolone cheese. 
• Fill each pepper with meat mixture until they are nearly overflowing.
• Top each pepper with another slice of provolone cheese.
• Bake for 15-20 minutes until the cheese on top is golden brown. 

Serve and Enjoy!!

Etsy Love!!!

When I had the inspiration for this blog, I instantly became excited. Etsy is a website that I have used for years now to find unique gifts, crafting/jewelry supplies, and to sale my jewelry. It is comprised of multiple shops created by sellers. A few examples of what type of things to expect: handmade, vintage, and supplies. I have previously and still can spend hours on end looking around finding new things. First I will share a few things that I have purchased from the site. Then I will move on to the things that I am currently loving.

    Purchased

• Flourite Gemstone Chips
• 4mm Jump Rings - Various Colors
• Antiqued Bronze Finish Rose Pendants
• Metal Roses

• Brown Leather Journal Key Closure
• Starfish and Sea Glass Mobile
• The Fault In Our Stars Phone Case
• Purple Leather Journal

• Galaxy Toms
• Tye Dyed Boot Socks
• Rhapsody in Blue Elf Coat
• Tye Dyed Bohemian Top

• Rainbow Moonstone Oxidized Silver Ring
• Sterling Silver Hedgehog Earring Studs
• Silver Wave Ring
• Sterling Silver Flower Rings

• Rainbow Aura Quartz Bullet Necklace
• Willies Necklace (This one is made by a member of a band I listen to)
• Personalized Monogram Necklace-Sea Glass
• Rainbow Moonstone Pendant Necklace

Fresh Start Challenge Day 10: Guilty

Gulity Pleasure

Romance Novels
Ice Cream
No Underwear (Occasionally)
Naps
Pinterest
Etsy
The Beach
Quote Images
Book Shopping
Video Games (Occasionally)

Fresh Start Challenge Day 9: Yummy

Cadbury Kisses

Was my kiss a little different in nature, yes; however, to me it counts. He is mine and I am his. Up until tonight I had never tried a Cadbury egg. So I shared one with Nathaniel. Tasting the chocolate and cream on his lips was the perfect way to kick off a fun filled night of discussing the next block party. I cannot wait to do it again.

I Want to Brag a Minute

I have the greatest friends and boyfriend that anyone could ask for. Each and every one of them are supportive and encouraging. I never doubt that they are behind me 100%. They are excited for me to start my life up there, where I fit in and belong. They encourage me to face my fears and to give life everything I have. I cannot wait to move and celebrate the begining of many happy years right were I want to be. There is no question in my mind that this is exactly what I want in life.

Becoming a Lushie!!!

My First Lush Order and First Impression

Caca Marron - I have not had a chance to try this yet; however, I am really excited to see how it does on my hair. I like that it is a healthier alternative to dying my hair regularly. After discuss this product with Lush, I am sure that I will love it once I am able to put it on my hair.

Charity Pot - I have made a vow to buy one of these with each Lush purchase I make. At first, I really did not like the smell of it. After using this for a little bit, I have slowly fallen in love. It takes a little bit to soak into my hands, but I love how soft my hands have been. This has been a lifesaver for my cuticles, since I change my polish so much.

Ocean Salt - This is not a surprise to anyone that knows me. Do I love this product? With every ounce of my beach bum body! I have used this several times now, and I am blown away. I was worried about how quickly I would use it up, but a little goes a long way. This is so invigorating!! I have noticed a huge different in my skin, since I was having some wintry skin issues.

Popcorn - My lips have been severely unhappy lately, but this did the trick. Who doesn't want a lip scrub that you can lick off when you are done? It has a great taste to it. I am excited to try the Mint Julep flavor as well. I am not sure how I would feel about the bubblegum one.

Grease Lightning - I has used this a few times now, and it has stopped break outs in their tracks. I was worried about it drying out my skin, but that isn't an issue at all. I love the smell of it. I know that is weird, but it is a nice herbal scent.

Carrot Soap - Lush threw in a little sample of this bad boy. I love the scent of it. It left my hands really clean and soft. I am not usually much for bar soaps, but this has me intrigued to try more.

As we all expected would happen, I am hooked!!! I cannot wait until I get to visit an actual Lush store so that I can smell everything.