The past few days has been just that. It has been a struggle to even look at myself, let alone love myself. What will shock most people... it does not come at the hands of someone else or a rude comment(s). It is simply myself. I have a very supportive and loving significant other and two beautiful daughters that think I am gorgeous just the way I am. So why am I still battling this? Why do I let the voices in my mind have more than two seconds of my time?
The answer to that is still fleeting to me. I am not sure why it is cropped back up in my life. The past few months I have worked day in a day out to think better about myself. I had been doing wonderfully since my last post, I Am Fat. I had not only began to except, but love my body, my curves, my rolls. Maybe it is due to stress and other family matters that have been going on. Or maybe it is just a few days that will pass; however, I was reading "Redefining Beautiful: What God Sees When God Sees You" today. In the book, Jenna Bishop includes Bible verses. Two verses spoke to me, encouraged me, and uplifted me:
"The Lord our God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, and he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
He spoke the words to me that I needed to feel better, to find the courage to love myself again. Who I am to question God, to think I am less than what he sees when he sees me? It made me question something from my past. Many times I have lost the weight, yet it comes back. I never understood why, and I always hated myself for it. I blamed myself.
Something hit me today, what if it didn't stay off because this is the way God has envisioned me? I am not designed by my eyes, by my desires. I am created in His image, for His plan. He created me with a purpose in mind. In many ways, I know I have found that purpose: a future wife, a mother, a friend, and a voice.
I am holding my head high and starting over again. I will love myself again, because He loves me. I want to encourage other women, and men, to love their bodies. To stand tall and proud of the body that we have. To others you are perfect, you are gorgeous, you are their dream. Empower and encourage yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. Do not hide. Most of all, love yourself, truly. Stand beside me, and with many others, that are in love with ourselves in the best way. You are not alone.
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