Letting Go

First, I am letting go of my past. It does not have to define who I am. I know that this will take time. It isn't easy to undo everything that you have been through in one thought. I will let go of the fear that I feel when someone gets angry around me. The physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Letting go seems like it could be so easy, until something happens and you are cowered in the corner to avoid his anger. I want to let go of that girl. I know that I am not her anymore, but my mind still goes there when I least expect it.

Second, My fear of never being good enough. Just because I was not good enough in the past does not mean that I am not good enough now. My value is not defined that easily. Just because others do not always see my value, does not mean that I have no value at all. I am letting go of the notion that I am not enough. I am more than enough.

Third, My body image issues. Most of the time I can find a way to love myself; however, that doesn't change the fact that I judge my body based on how it looks in comparison to someone else. I don't look at myself in the mirror. I do not have one that I can really see myself in. I am letting go of the thoughts the my stomach is unattractive because it is not flat, or because I have stretch marks and scars. I will let go of the fact the my rear is not perfectly round or that my upper arms are flabby. Every inch of me is worth loving.

"I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions. Whatever I see I swallow immediately. Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike." -Quote from "Mirror" by Sylvia Plath

With all of that being said, it does help having the best friends a girl could ask for. They hold me together and get me through. Their support lifts me up. I would be completely lost without them. There is one other person though. I never imagined I would have someone that knows me better than I do. Someone that is helping me overcome these fears and helping me let go of them. Holding me when I cry and gently wiping away my tears. He shows me that he loves my body and my soul. He is the one person to get me to see through the tears when the thought of showing myself becomes to much to handle. I am his.